Let me forewarn you, this article may be a little disgusting and gross, but I feel it needs some attention. Am I the only one absolutely terrified to step into a public restroom being afraid of what I may see, step in, or read in a toilet stall? This seems to be an issue pretty common to the entireAppalachiaarea. Whether it be a rest area, gas station, fast food restaurant, department store, school or even hospital, it infuriates me the people of this area so blatantly disregard others in what they do in these places.
First off, that little handle on top of some of the older toilets is for flushing the waste that exits your body. Although I have had some pretty impressive excrement that one should definitely be proud of, I really feel no need to leave it behind to share with a stranger. When you walk into a stall and shut the door, that object in the middle toward the backend usually placed against the wall that has a hole in the middle with water in it is where you tinkle. Lift the seat and aim at the middle, not everywhere else BUT there. If you make a mistake and get a little on the seat, no worries, grab some tissue and wipe it off, then flush the paper. Another issue I have are with these “water saving” toilets. You know, those automatic flushing devices that flush as soon as you step inside, flush when you turn around to position yourself, flush while you’re sitting and continue to flush while you’re trying to finish up and get out of there. These are water saving systems? I really think these need to be rethought.
Listen up janitorial personnel; you’re wasting your time locking up the TP in the little grey cabinet on the inside of the wall. People in this area confuse a locked device with having something of value behind it. While they sit there, their curiosity gets the best of them thinking there may be some money, jewelry or better yet, pills or meth making material behind that box. When they finally pick the lock and find that there are only two nice rolls of Scott Tissue there, they are angered. To add insult to injury, they think it would be hilarious to urinate all over both rolls and then try to close the holder back. If people think this is funny, they will surely die from laughing after reading this post because there is nothing remotely humorous about this. Also, you get paid to clean these areas. I know it is not the greatest job, but you knew what you were getting into when you applied for the job. Nothing maddens me more to see the little bathroom checklist has been future dated as being cleaned and checked when you find a bathroom in this condition. The very worst is when you find a nice clean toilet and stall, only to find after you did a number two, for there not to be any toilet paper or the holder malfunctioning and not allowing you to have any. You then find yourself asking the dude beside you if he can spare a few sheets from his supply or wait until everyone leaves and do the quick pants and underwear around the ankles boogie into the next vacant cubicle so you can wipe. I know you’re laughing because we have all been there. At least I hope I’m not alone. Don’t even get me started on the faulty locking door and the big, bearded, burly truck driver busting in on you awkwardly while you are in the middle of a waste session.
Next, why do people feel the need to become philosophers, poets, preachers or gossip spreaders while they are using the john? Do you really think people will read your words and say to themselves or even out loud, “Wow, that’s some heavy stuff!” I don’t think so. And if I am looking for a good time, a bathroom inAppalachiais nowhere near the top of my list. Jesus may be coming back soon, but I doubt the first stop on his list is the rest area on Interstate 64. For the longest time I thought John 3:16 was some sort of Dewey Decimal numbering system for commodes and urinals until I got older.
I really try my best to keep from using public restrooms, but when nature calls, and you drive as much as I do, you have to do what you have to do. I have done quite a bit of traveling in my 32 years throughout the United States and this area is by far the worst of all the areas I have visited. Granted there are some bad ones everywhere, this area definitely gets the award for having the most. When I find a good one, I definitely stash that to memory and try to frequent these when I am in need of some relief. Come on Appalachia, just do your business and clean up after yourself and leave.