With the Christmas season upon us and the “Our Gang” that are the Republican candidates for president, I decided to try my hand at a little holiday humor. We’ve all seen the Christmas albums that become the sounds of the season this time of year with all our favorite holiday tunes, right? Well I wanted to add a little political touch to some of our most popular melodies. Imagine this as a late night commercial or one of those thirty minute infomercial segments that run on FOX on early Sunday Mornings before the NFL kickoff. So sit back, read and enjoy and hopefully you’ll be singing right along.
Here it is; this year’s hottest sounds of the season compilation Christmas album. We have the best and the brightest of the Republican Party with their own flavor on some of the most popular holiday tunes of the season.
You will hear Mitt Romney sharing one of his favorites, “Joseph Smith is Coming to Town” to the tune of the ever so popular “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”. Mitt also adds “Here Comes Brigham Young” to the style of “Here Comes Santa Claus”.
That’s not all, you can also hear none other than “the” Michelle Bachmann sharing her special tunes “My Clinics Can Cure the Gay Man” and “If You’re Gay, You’re in Danger” to the melody of “Frosty the Snowman” and “Away in a Manger” respectively.
You can curl up to a nice log fire while listening to Ron Paul serenade you with his hit “Immigrants Crossing; Open Fire” to the tune of “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire” or get up and shake a leg with his version of “Run, Rudolph, Run” as “Run, Bernanke, Run” as his hatred for the Federal Reserve Chairman rings true.
This is the only place you will hear Rick Perry proclaim his love for the death penalty and his fellow gender with such hits as “Grandma Got Executed by the Rickster” as related to “Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer”. He slows it down a bit with his heartfelt “I’ll Be Homo for Christmas”.
Where else will you hear a black man so freely accepted into the Republican Party by singing his rendition of “Ginger White Christmas” to the tune of “White Christmas” and “Pimpin in a White Girl Wonderland to the melody of “Walking in a Winter Wonderland”? Herman also croons my personal favorite, “I Saw Momma Kissing Herman Cain”.
Sarah Palin even gets in on the Christmas spirit by sharing “Sarah Palin, the Red-Lipped Hockey Mom” comparing herself to everyone’s favorite reindeer, Rudolph. She also adds her personal favorite “Oh, Glen Rice” to the tune of “Silent Night”
Newt Gingrich may have been late to the race, but his sultry voice can also be heard twanging “Newt Christmas” to the tune of Elvis’ “Blue Christmas” and “All I Want for Christmas is Newt”.
Mitt Romney even adds a third tune for the kids with Newt Gingrich’s arrival. Hear Mitt mumble the more modern song “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Gingrich!”
If you act now and order within the next thirty minutes, we’re going to throw in an extra song just for all you devoted Republican backers. One time only, we were able to get all the candidates together and get them all to harmonize their wonderful voices on the “just released” “sure to be hit” “Barack Won’t Call It a Christmas Tree” to the toe tappin music of “Rocking Around the Christmas Tree”.
Hurry and order now. Operators are standing by.